Of All the Rotten Luck
by SerpentotheElves
Summary: When Hermione's parents go away to Italy for the summer, Hermione gets left behind with the most unlikley of families. She begins to see another side of one she hated most.
1. Ha ha! blink Wait, What?

Disclamer: I do not own the following: 1) Harry Potter 2) The incredibly hot Draco Malfoy  or 3) Cheese Puffs

A/N: This is my first ficky, and I fink you'll like it!

Draco grinned into the wind, looking up at his manor house. Wait until he told his mother about Potter. She would spoil him sick for the next month. Unless she told father. Draco's smile quickly faded. There's no telling what Lucius would do to him for being beaten up by low-bloods and a mudblood. Shit. There goes that idea.

Draco looked into the trees surrounding his manor. There leaves were turned upside down to welcome the rain that was to pour from the sky. He suddenly felt very depressed. And cranky. When ever he was sad he became very cranky. He didn't have any friends. Not really. Crabbe and Goyle didn't really count, they were just _there_. 

He stalked into the manor house while a huge bolt of lightning cracked overhead. He loved it when the weather matched his mood.

Narcissa floated happily to Draco's side. "Did you have a good year, dear?" she cooed sweetly. Draco glowered for a moment, but forced himself to form a small smile. 

"It was all right," he managed to say somewhat cheerfully. This was news to Narcissa. 

"No complaints? Everything is fine? Don't you want to invite some friends over to play?" 

Draco winced. He hated it when his mother treated him like he was seven. He tried to smile more warmly, but was afraid to find it very weak. Narcissa didn't seem to notice. "No. I'm fine. Where's Father?" Draco plopped down onto a large hard velvet couch.

Narcissa smiled somewhat sadly. "Your father is in Botswana for a work project." She motioned for a house elf to pick up Draco's shoes from where he had kicked them off.

Draco frowned. "Botswana? Where the hell is Botswana?" Draco mumbled.

Narcissa moved to the kitchen where she started to get out pans.  "It's in Africa, dear. And don't use that type of language." 

Draco smiled to himself. Lucius would be off his back until he could think of a plausible story to feed to him.  "Who's going to help us while he's gone?" Draco said following his mother into the kitchen. The people who came to help were always kind to him.  He got attached to them quickly. Draco started helping his mother cut meat for supper.

Narcissia smiled at her son's effort to help. He really hated mundane activities. "No one. Only a person who is coming to help clear our record." 

"What do you mean?" Draco asked suspiciously. 

"We are inviting a mudblood in need to make sure that no one thinks we are discriminating against them." 

That did it. Draco understood. "Where is he going to stay?" he asked grudgingly. "And when is he coming?" Draco stole a raw mushroom from the counter. He made sure te _he_ stuck out. He was getting edgy.

"She, dear.  She should be arriving very shortly.  I meant to ask you to escort her home, but I daresay it slipped my mind."

Draco swallowed.  Hard. "Do you know her name?" Draco managed to croak out.

Narcissia motioned to the table.  "It should say in that letter."

Draco nearly killed himself running to the table. He snatched the letter from the table and read:

            _Dear Mrs. Malfoy,_

_                        Thank you so much for offering to take our daughter, Hermione. My_

_            husband_ _and I are traveling to Italy for the summer, and could not buy Her-_

_            mione a ticket.  We enclose a fifty-pound note for your troubles. We apoli-_

_            gize for not knowing sooner._

_                              Sincerly,_

_                        Emilee_ _Granger_

Draco gulped. He hated it when he was right. Despite himself, he broke into a wide smile. He walked over to Narcissia and clapped his hand on her back.  "Hey Mum! How long is ole Granger stayin?"

Narcissia looked at her son.  She didn't think that he had ever called her Mum before.  And he had surely never whacked her before.  "A month or so, I believe. Possibly the whole summer."

Draco broke off grinning like a git. He collapsed into a chair, his natural high already worn off. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Narcissia buzzed into the hallway, motioning for Draco to follow. Draco looked frantically around the room, looking for an excuse. "I can't go yet, Mother! I need to... change first!" he hollered, dashing into his room. He collapsed onto his bed and rubbed his face. This was going to be a _long _summer.

A/n: Aah… sorry it's so short but I was watching _Star Wars_ while writing it. I had to stop when Bobba Fett dies. *sniff* (I don't own Star Wars) Anyway, review!!!!


	2. What Do You Say to That?

Disclaimer: I do not own 1) Harry Potter 2) any of the characters 3) a monkey 

                   The name of the Manor House belongs to the book _Catch Me If You Can _by Frank Abagnale

A/N: Narcissia might be OC; I don't know how she acts!

Hermione bit her tongue and looked up at the looming manor house ahead. It looked cold and uninviting. She didn't even know the names of the people who lived there. All she knew was to jump trains until she got to a place called Abagnale Manor, and then to ask the locals to point out the manor house.  But since everyone had gone inside to escape from the rain, she had a time finding it. 

Since she was forbidden to use magic, she was lugging two large soggy trunks behind her. She wished she saw a familiar face; even Malfoy would be a welcome sight. _Alright, _she thought, laughing softly to herself. _Maybe not Malfoy. _

She found herself at the front door and took a deep breath, _first impression was everything. She told herself. Hermione attempted to dry herself off somewhat, but since the drizzle had turned into a torrent of rain, it was an impossible task.  Not for the first time, she wished she had a mirror. _

Not quite ready to go in yet, she checked her reflection on the door's glass. Her curly hair looked like a dead animal was sitting on her head. "I look horrid…" she groaned.

She took a large breath, and knocked on the door three times.

After a moment's pause, the door opened. The woman that greeted her looked vaguely familiar.  She had soft, wavy white-blonde hair. Her face was pale with rosy cheeks, and her tall slim body was donned with black robes with little blue flowers on them.  

The woman smiled warmly. "You must be Hermione Granger, how lovely to meet you at last," she said, sounding like a Muggle sales person. Hermione nodded mutely. "Oh you poor dear! You look like a drowned niffler! Do come inside!"   
  
Hermione smiled and stumbled inside.  _So much for first impressions, Hermione thought bitterly._

"I'll get the house elves to get your things, dear," the women said cheerily. Hermione's smile flickered. _Of course they use house elves, _she reasoned with herself,_ it's in there family. _

"Fenny! Roosta! Come take our guest's things to her room, please." Two house elves scurried to pick up the trunks, and bowed low before departing, lugging the heavy trunks upstairs. Hermione fought very hard to keep smiling.

Hermione's host turned to her. "Oh I am truly sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Narcissia Black. Please call me Narcissia."   
  


"Pleased to meet you," Hermione said politely. Once again the name stirred something in her memory. 

Narcissia smiled and motioned for Hermione to sit on the couch opposite her. "Would you like some tea dear? You look chilled to the bone! I do make fine beef tea, if I say so myself," she said, still sounding like she was selling shampoo.

"Yes please," Hermione said quietly; she wasn't quite sure how to respond to all the chatter.

Narcissia smiled motherly at her, but her face immediately turned to a look of horror. Hermione was about to ask what was wrong, when Narcissia cried out, running to the kitchen. 

"My stew has boiled dry! I only cook twice a year; when my son comes home from school, and on Christmas! I'm so sorry!" Narcissia called franticly from the kitchen.

"That's alright, do you need some help?" Hermione said timidly.

"No, thank you, I think I can manage," Narcissia said, sounding like she couldn't manage at all.

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek, listening to the banging coming from the kitchen.  After what seemed like ages, Narcissia bumbled into the parlor room, carrying a silver tray with a tea pot and two cups. Narcissia poured Hermione a cup of tea, and then herself. 

"I'm sorry it took so long; the stew was a mess. I'm simply not used to cooking. And the beef tea will need some salt, dear."

Hermione sat on the couch shivering and sipping tea, while Mrs. Black buzzed merrily about how she wanted to redecorate the parlor ("seeing as it has gone so very out-of-date") when there was a loud crashing noise coming from upstairs, followed by a squeak and a voice shouting, "Damn you elf! Get out of my room!!" Narcissia quickly stood up, spilling tea on herself. There was another squeaking, and the same voice shouting, "I don't care what mistress said, GO AWAY!!" 

Narcissia looked appalled, and said "Please excuse me," before dashing upstairs.

A/N: Aahhh short again. First I write these things on paper, and it seems longer on paper then on print.  Anyway, who is shouting??? (duh) Why was a house elf in his room??? Exactly what did mistress say??? Why am I referring to Narcissia as Mrs. Black??????? Find in the next Chapter!!!

~Gm


	3. Um, Hi

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, except for Bo the Monkey, who will not be appearing in this fic.

A/N: If anyone has ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, you know it's an audience participation movie.         When ever you see a star in parenthesis (*), Zip to the bottom of the page, where it will show you   what to do. If you think this is stupid, _don't zip to the bottom of the page, where it will show you         what to do.  If you think it's stupid, Bo the Monkey will throw feces at you. It was his idea._

Draco lied down on his bed moodily.  Just what was Roosta thinking with those bags at his room? Honestly.  He felt a pang of regret at venting his frustration at the little elf, but that vanished as quickly as the tides.

Draco jerked up suddenly as his mother burst into his room. She slammed the door so hard that his bed shook, and marched over to him. "Do you realize you made a fool out of yourself not to mention _me?" Narcissia said in a low hiss. "Mudblood or not, I do not like to look _stupid_."_

"But Roosta brought the trunks up to the wrong room! He—" Draco faltered under the glare of his mother.

"No he did not," Narcissia continued in the same low hissing voice. "Your room will be donated to Miss Granger. It is the only room that does not leek in the rain." 

Draco couldn't help but saying "Yeah, Fenny does wonders with caulking spells."   
  
Narcissia dug her fingernails into her son's arm. "And you, _my dear son," Narcissia continued, making the last phrase stick out maliciously, "will be sleeping in the eastern guest room." _

Draco scowled but nodded his head.

Narcissia swept from the room as if she had forgotten Draco was there.  She paused at the door to address the cowering house elves. "Roosta, please place Draco's clothes in the Eastern guestroom. Fenny, when he is done, dry Miss Grangers clothes and put them in this room."  The house elves scurried around with trunks and clothes, both careful not to get too close to Draco.  Narcissia hesitated. "We will talk of punishment later," she said shortly before sweeping down the stairs. 

Draco rolled his eyes at the house elves and followed his mother down the stairs.  He could hear his mother apologizing over and over for "her son's rudeness."  _Not quite the entrance I had hoped, but it's sure something she'll remember, _Draco thought to himself.

Hermione gaped at him when he came into view, but her face changed into resigned acknowledgement.  Draco thought to keep his face very placid.  

"I apologize for the interruption, Grang—(his mother _carefully_ stepped on his foot) Hermione," Draco said placidly.

"That's quite alright," Hermione choked alright, sounding like she didn't mean it at all, before collapsing into an awkward silence.

Narcissia looked at Hermione warmly. "You poor thing," she said. "You need to change into some dry clothes.  Come, we'll see if there's anything of mine you can wear." 

Hermione looked as if she would rather be sogging wet then wear a Malfoy's clothes, but she followed Narcissia.

Laughing to himself, Draco lied down on one of the couches.  Hermione probably didn't know that his mother was a Malfoy until he walked down.

Ten minutes later, Draco glared at the stairs. How long does it take to put on a dress? Jeez, it's not like they were readying their selves for combat.  Fifteen minutes after that, Hermione walked down the stairs looking miserable.  Draco saw immediately why.  She was wearing his clothes!  His green cashmere shirt and his black pants!  He could hear his mother apologizing again.

Narcissia sat Hermione down across from Draco.  "Draco, is it alright if Hermione wears your clothes tonight? And possibly your bed clothes?" Narcissia asked worriedly.  __

"Sure," Draco mumbled looking carefully at his hands.  _What else was I supposed to say?_ he angrily told himself.  _No, no you can't wear my clothes because you're a mudblood and I hate you?_** Yes, **said his other half. **That's exactly what you say.**  Draco rolled his eyes. "Is supper ready, Mother?" he asked drolly. 

Narcissia looked sharply at him, but nodded. "I believe Fenny has set table already. She does get ahead of herself."

The trio walked into the dining room, which was beautifully set with blue china and glasses that were filled with red wine.  Hermione let out a small sigh, and Draco rolled his eyes. She was such a mudblood. Not even used to china plates.  _She probably has some clastic ones from Mark and Spenser's. Draco smirked to himself. Not that he knew what clastic was. Or Mark and Spenser's. He had heard his father use the same phrase about Arthur Weasley._

They all sat down, Narcissia at the head of the table. "A toast," (*) Narcissia said, raising her glass.  "To aspiring friendships and our welfare."  They clinked glasses and each took a sip.  Hermione made an odd choking noise, and swallowed quickly.

"What's wrong dear? Are you alright?" Narcissia asked sounding concerned.  Draco smirked behind his napkin. 

"It's… it's nothing," Hermione muttered. When Narcissia gave her a motherly look, Hermione added, "I'm just not used to wine." She looked as if she wished she hadn't said it; Draco's smirk grew.

"Oh I'm so sorry, would you like some milk?" Narcissia pressed.

This time Draco couldn't hold it back. He gave a small snort of laughter into his napkin.

Narcissia pretended not to notice.  Hermione's face was as red as a cherry.  "No…I'm… fine," she stammered.  Narcissia didn't look completely convinced, but let it go.

Draco took a bite of stew and quickly swallowed. It tasted charred. Couldn't Mother get the house elves to cook on holidays? She burned it every year.

Hermione too winced, but she said "It tastes wonderful." Draco nodded, and Narcissia beamed. She started to talk to Hermione about how she wanted to take cooking classes, and cook more often. 

Draco as quickly as he could, and asked to be excused. The tension was unbearable. 

Narcissia smiled icily. "Of course you can.  You can also show Hermione to her room, and give her a quick tour of the manor." Draco scowled. She had obviously still not forgiven him for the house elf incident.  

"Come, my lady," Draco said in his best butler voice. "I will show thee to thy room." Draco smirked, ignoring his mother's poisonous looks. 

Hermione hesitated, but followed him upstairs.

(*): Gm and Bo the Monkey throw toast at the screen.

A/N: Ooo, so Narcissia _does have a bit of Malfoy in her.  Jeez, I guess it was Draco's mom that caused            Draco to grow up evil and twisted. What's with the stairs? I just noticed that every chapter ends with       someone going up the stairs. Cool._

**_REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**


	4. Oh My God! I'm Too WHAT?

Disclaimer: I do not own 1) Harry Potter 2) Any of the characters 3) I changed my mind, I do have a monkey. 

A/N: This is the last chapter I write until I get *5* count 'em FIVE letters for my new fic, AND (yes, I know I'm being mean) 45 reviews. I have two letters, and 36 reviews, so this shouldn't be too hard.

And Tuim, if you're reading this, Bo the Wonder Monkey will throw feces at you.

Hermione and Draco clambered up the stairs. Hermione was playing with her hair nervously.  She didn't know what to say to him when they got up.  Finally, Draco opened a door and curtly motioned for her to get inside.

The room was decorated with green velvet draped over the walls and above a four-poster bed.  The walls and the floor were made of cool grey stones. It looked very much like the Gryffindor dorm rooms, but with green instead of red, and it looked very much less welcoming.  There was a single window with a seat built into it, and Hermione could see a crescent moon through a hole in the wall. It had stopped raining.

"This will be your room for god knows how long," said Malfoy, "and don't touch anything you don't have to, don't sit on the window seat, don't read the books, and don't look under the bed."

Hermione scowled at him. All those rules! Malfoy just smirked and sat on the bed. "So just how long did it take you to realize that you were in a Malfoy's house?" he asked smugly.

"Not very long." Hermione said scathingly. "I'm not completely stupid." Before Malfoy could counter, she went on "But I must ask, why did your mother refer to herself as Mrs. Black?"

Draco shrugged, stretching himself out. "She was a Black before she was a Malfoy. You just concluded that she was a Missis. She says odd things like that at odd times."

Hermione sighed, looking for a place to sit.  She recalled something that she wanted to ask. "What's under the bed?" she asked putting her hands under. It couldn't be dangerous, or Narcissia would have told her.

"Nothing," Draco snapped, his pale eyes narrowing. Hermione didn't stop reaching. "Underwear," he added. "Mine. Used. Never cleaned. Now get your had out of there!"

Hermione didn't believe him, but withdrew her hand.

Malfoy decided that it was time for him to take his leave. He opened up the door and pointed across the hall. "There's the bathroom, down the hall and to the right is Mother's room, down the hall, turn left, and at the end is my room. If you need the house elves, scream 'Fenny!' or 'Roosta!' until they come. If you have any other questions, just remember that you're inconveniencing me." Draco said quickly. He smiled sweetly. "This concludes your tour." His face turned back into a scowl, and left her room, slamming her door.

"Well that was unfriendly," Hermione said unnecessarily to the closed door. She bounced on the bed a few times, and wondered over to the dresser.   The drawers were completely empty.  It was getting late, and Hermione wanted to sleep, but she couldn't until she got something to wear. 

She found her way to Narcissia's room, and knocked on the door. Hearing a response, she walked in. Narcissia was sitting at a vanity set, wearing a lavender robe with a lot of lace.

"Mrs. Malfoy, I don't have any bed clothes, and I was wondering—" Hermione began, but Narcissia cut her off with a wave of her hand.

"Let's see if I have something you could wear, so you don't have to wear boy's clothes tonight," Narcissia cooed sweetly.

Hermione tried on several gowns, each with more and more lace.  Narcissia pronounced each one too long or too small. After several nightgowns, Narcissia proclaimed "Poor dear, everything is too small! You simply have too much chest." Hermione froze. _What do I say to that? she thought franticly._

Narcissia smiled kindly. "You must be popular with the boys." Hermione looked at her, horrified. "Perhaps you could wear one of Draco's pairs, he likes his things baggy," she added. Hermione smiled weakly, and scurried from the room.

Now she had to find Draco's room. She couldn't remember a thing but Narcissia's comment.  She had no choice but to call a house elf. "Fenny?" Hermione called out timidly, feeling foolish. "Fenny?" she called out again, stronger.

Immediately, a house elf was at her side. "Yes mistress?" the house elf squeaked earnestly. She was wearing a little black skirt with a silver snake wrapped around a 'M' embroidered on it.

"Yes," said Hermione kindly and clearly. "Could you please tell where to find Draco's room?"  
Fenny looked delighted to be asked a question. "Yes mistress, you are staying in it, but his room for the summer is at the end of this hall." Fenny curtsied. "Is there anything else Fenny can you for you, Miss?"

Hermione shook her head kindly. "No, thank you."  
Fenny curtsied again, and scurried off.

Hermione made a mental note to check to see if Fenny was happy later.

She took a deep breath, and knocked on the door…

A/N: Argh, I don't know why, but writing that chapter gave me a headache. It was really hard to write!

Egads, what a lot of reviews for 3 chapters! Keep 'em coming!! If I really like the sound of you from your review, chances are I'll send you a e-mail; I already sent one to three different people.

Check out my new fic, "Letters to Draco"!!!  
~Gm and Bo the Wonder Monkey


	5. Argh! Too COSY!

Disclaimer: I do not own 1) Any of the characters 2) The incredible hot OOC Draco Malfoy or 3) A large book of the affect ESP has in lima beans.

A/N: Chances are, if you're reading this, you have met all of the goals! Yeah for you!! 

Draco lied on his bed grumpily. This summer was going to be rotten.  His mother was spoiling Hermione and not him, quite a change. He needed to tell someone, but who?  Not Crabbe or Goyle, he doubted that they could read.  He racked his mind for a friend, a _true friend.  He mentally slapped himself.  He was making everything too dramatic; if the fanfic writers ever got hold of this… _

He finally remembered his friend from Italy, Victor Nardone.  He had met Victor when his father and mother went to Italy for a summer vacation, and still kept in touch with him about anything that bugged them or they found unfair.  Sort of like the muggle Nelson's Column.  He pulled out his quill and started to write.

                        _Dear Victor,_

_            How did your Ancient Runes final with Professor Romero go?  Our finals got canceled because that Diggory guy died, as I'm sure you know. _

_Are you still taking Spanish? __Como__ va? Eres tu un gran estupido con un sombrero punta y un acento bobo? _

_You won't believe what's happening at my house. You know the mudblood Granger? She's staying at my house for the whole bloody summer!! Father is in Botswana for some project for work, and Mother is acting like Granger's the daughter she never had. Not to mention that I have to not only give up my room, (as if that's not enough) but I have to share her clothes!! Er, she wears mine… not the other way around. Can you believe it? Aarrgghhh!! _

_Write back to me soon, and tell me what came of Carmelia, did you finally get some? *wink* _

_            Your Friend,_

_                        Draco Malfoy_

Draco attached his letter to his eagle owl, Kael, and opened his door to take him to a window; his room did not have one.  Hermione was standing just outside the door, fist raised as if about to knock.  She quickly put her hand down and looked up at him.

"What now, Granger?  If you want to wear my pajamas too, the answer is no," he sighed exasperatedly.  Hermione looked alarmed. 

"But your mother said—" she began.

Draco laughed.  "Oh god, that's really why you're here, isn't it?" he said, amused.

Granger nodded defensively. Draco smirked. "You really want to get into my pants, don't you?"  
Granger looked furious. "You know what I mean, Malfoy!!" she screeched.

Draco laughed, and tossed Kael lightly down the stairs.  "Come on, loosen up.  It's not like Weasley's here."

Hermione pursed her lips, and walked inside his room.  Draco opened up his dresser, and tossed her a pair of black silk pajamas, identical to the ones he was wearing.  Hermione made a face.  "Does everything of yours have to be black?" 

Draco pulled out another pair. "You can have green!" he said cheerfully.

Hermione rolled her eyes and went into Draco's private bathroom to change.  

**She's hot, isn't she?** said the evil part of his head.  _Shut up._ Draco thought back.  _She's a mudblood. **So?**** Hot is hot. Pansy's not hot and she's a pure blood.  **__…I can't think of a response to that, but believe me, when I do, it'll be good. Draco's evil voice inside his head started laughing at him.  He lied back on his bed and put a pillow over his head. _

"Trying to smother yourself, are you?" Granger said evenly. Draco shot upright. "No, it's alright. I approve of that."

Draco glared at her. First he couldn't think of a comeback to himself, and then Granger. What was the world coming to? 

"Why do you have to wear my bedclothes anyway?" he muttered crossly. Judging by the look on Hermione's face, he had struck gold.

"Um… her clothes were… uh… too……small," she stammered looking at her little silk covered feet.

Draco laughed. "No way," he said giggling.  "And you don't mean that they were too short either... Hee hee. You should include that in your letter to Weasley. It'll perk him right up.  The only thing in your letter that he'll be interested in."  
Hermione looked mad now. "What makes you think I'm writing to Ron?" she spat. 

Draco wandered over to Hermione casually, looking at the ceiling.  "Oh, I don't know…" He snatched a piece of parchment out of her pocket. "This?" 

Hermione tried to grab the letter back. "Give me that!!" she yelled franticly. 

Draco laughed and read the letter out loud " '_Dear__ Ron, Remember how I __told you that I was going to someone's house during the summer? I'm here,' " Draco paused at this point in the letter. "Oohh, you're telling him right off the bat?  Brave." Hermione was still hopping up and down, trying to grab the letter from him. "Anyway, __'My host parents are an old man and woman that live just south of __Clacton_-on-Sea___.' " Draco paused and looked at Hermione oddly. She sat down on his bed, shaking her head. " '__It's__ so boring here; there are no younglings to talk to.'__ " Draco folded up the letter and tossed it to Hermione.  _

"Why did you write this?" Draco asked, sitting on the bed.

Hermione let out a single laugh. "Oh yeah, like I'd really tell him I'm at Malfoy's house.  He'd walk all the way over here just to get a chance to take a swipe at you. He'd be so mad at me for agreeing to stay here… not that I had a choice…"

Draco rolled his eyes.  "That does sound like the Weasel." 

Hermione nodded. "He's too protective, and he hates you more then everyone in Gryffindor put together. He needs to loosen up."  
A little Slytherin plan started to form in Draco's little Slytherin mind.  "Do you like him?" he said quietly, making his voice sound soothing and comforting. 

Hermione sighed. "There are times when I think so, but he's just so annoying! Sometimes I just want to rip off his head and spit down his neck."

Draco looked at her, startled. She was being creepy.  He would be afraid to meet her in a dark alley after taking to Ron…

"What about you and Pansy?  Do you like her?" Hermione asked, hugging her knees to her chest.

Draco couldn't help but laughing. "Ha.  Just look at her!  She's as stupid as she is ugly. She makes talking to Crabbe seem like a civilized conversation.  It's all 'Ohh, those robes with that tunic!? What's she thinking!?' or 'Would you just look at her hair!?' Jeez."

Hermione laughed. Draco smiled and reclined himself.  So this is what _talking means… Draco opened his mouth to ask her a question, but froze. Uh-oh. Getting too cosy with the mud-blood…_

Draco stood up abruptly. "So, lovely chatting, get out of my room, now," he said frankly.

Hermione looked at him somewhat offended. "Fine," she said, walking into the hallway and slamming the door.

Draco stared at the closed door. "Mud-blood bitch," he snapped.

"I HEARED THAT!" Granger called.

He rolled his eyes.  Of course she did. He crawled into bed, rolled himself into a neat little ball, and stared at the roof of his four-poster bed, waiting for sleep…

_He looked up at his father in admiration. He was the strongest man in the world! He had the best job, and brought home sacks of Galleons a day! And he had Mommy, the prettiest, nicest, and bestest in the whole wide world! People who came over to their house always told him that he looked like his Daddy. He looked at himself in the mirror proudly. Instead of chubby rosy cheeks, he saw pale thin ones. His eyes were not blue, but cool grey and his hair was not blonde and soft, but silver and sleek.  And he was a million times taller! _

_Mommy came into the room. She was crying. Daddy was yelling at her and saying something was all her fault. Mommy kept on saying that it would have happened anyway.   
Daddy hit her, and walked from the room._

_He wanted to run to Mommy, to say sorry, but he was too afraid. He just sat in the corner and cried._

_She walked into the Gryffindor Common Room.  She was so relieved to see him.  He was so bold and brave, he was The Boy Who Lived.  She walked up to him, smiling. She tousled his dark hair, and held him close. _

_He had to stoop down low, to kiss her head. She could see his freckles. They were like little sunspots that matched his hair. _

_She looked around the green and silver room; everyone was looking at her.  She looked up at his cool grey eyes, so soothing and comforting. It didn't matter what they thought, just her. Just her…_

A/N: Uh, I don't really know what to say after that.  Well I hope the quality of that took care of the rubbish I laughingly refer to as Chapter Four.  Anyway, uhhhhh….. REVIEW!

PS: I decided to stop trying to write a chapter a day, BUT WAIT! BEFORE YOU FLAME! That way I can make my stories better, so you don't have to read stuff like Chapter Four. 

~Gm and Bo the Wonder Monkey


	6. En Grande Tour

A/N: YAHOO! 50 REVIEWS!!!!! Anyway, my friend Kristy helped me write this chapter, and all flames will be forwarded to kittyqueen220@yahoo.com.

~Gm, Bo the Wonder Monkey, and Kristy  
  


Hermione woke up blearily.  She felt very confused.  Visions of her dreams swam sickenly thorough her head. There was Harry in it… and Ron… and……someone else. She remembered the conversation that she had had the night before. Along with her dreams, she firmly believed that it had been the most bizarre night of her life.

She shook her head and went over to her dresser. At last, she could wear her own clothes!

She got dressed and headed downstairs. 

Draco and Narcissia were both at the table. Narcissia looked as cheerful as ever, but Draco looked like he had spent the last four days on a deserted island without ever sleeping. He was still in his night clothes.

Narcissia smiled at Hermione and showed her to her seat. As Hermione sat down, she looked at Draco's bed hair. She was compelled to sit as far away from him as she could, although she didn't know why.

Narcissia drew herself up proudly and picked up her glass. "As you will notice," she said, "this morning our glasses are filled with milk, not wine."

Draco looked up sharply. "Why?" he said somewhat franticly.

Narcissia smiled and looked at Hermione. "I asked Fenny to fill them with milk. Milk is healthy and helps build strong bones."  
Draco still stared at her blankly. "But why is the wine gone?"

Narcissia pretended not to hear him. "All of our meals will have milk, with the exception of Sunday dinner."

"Yes, but why don't we have any wine?" Draco said, not absorbing a word his mother said.

Hermione finished quickly, and asked to be excused. Draco had been staring at his milk, muttering "Why?" for the last ten minutes. Narcissia elbowed him, and he straightened up.

"Yes, but in a moment. I need to tell you our plans first," she said. "Today, Draco will be giving you a tour of the grounds. Fenny has packed a lunch for the both of you, and I fully expect Ms. Granger to be able to give me a description of the grounds by the time day is out. You will leave as soon as you are ready." She sent a poisonous look at Draco's hair. "You may both go."   
Draco sent a final dirty look at his glass of milk, and trudged upstairs.

Hermione followed him up, smiling to herself. He was definitely not a morning person.  
After a half an hour of silence from Draco's room, Hermione softly knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she walked in. Draco, fully dressed, was laying on his bed. His hair was already slicked back and he was wearing his boots, but he looked sound asleep.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and sat down on his bed next to him. "Draco," she said softly and sweetly, "it's Pansy."  
The effect was instantaneous.  In one swift moment, he leapt out of bed and ran out into the hallway. Hermione sighed and followed him.

Draco glared at Hermione. She was more evil then he had thought. Pulling that trick to wake him up, getting him to spill the beans on Pansy last night, taking all the wine away from him… That mudblood should be in Slytherin. Except the fact she was a mudblood. 

**Why couldn't she be a Slytherin pure blood?** Part of his brain said. **Then I could go out with her. _Well she's not! She's a mudblood, and besides, she's stupid. **Go get Hermione! You know you want to! **_Oh, shut up. _**Stop telling yourself that you're too good for her. It's the other way around and you know it.**_ Ha. That thought never once crossed my mind. _**But you think it every time you call her a mudblood…**_**

Draco didn't need his evil half to tell him that. He knew it was true.

Hermione sighed loudly. "Exactly _when does this stupid tour start?" she asked crossly. "Because if this is going to be like the last one, I might as well leave right now."  
Draco rolled his eyes. Like she had anything better to do. "We're going to the stables," he said. "Our horses aren't much different from Muggle ones, so I doubt you care." _

Hermione gave a cry of delight. "Horses? Really? I love horses! I've never ridden one before! But one time my parents and I were in London and we rode in a carriage, but that's just not the same!"

Draco shook his head. "The horses are right there, but if you call them, they'll come to you." Hermione smiled excitedly. "Which one will I be riding?" she asked.  
Draco thought a moment. "We won't be riding any, not now. There isn't enough time," he said. 

Hermione looked down sadly. "Oh," she muttered.

They walked over to the stables. "Those three are father's, their names are Naeal, Philip, and Blaine. Those two are mother's. Their names are Trina and Audrey. These two are mine. Their names are Fett and Jack," he listed off. Hermione looked breathlessly at each one. 

Draco laughed and motioned for her to follow him. "Honestly, you're such a head case."

They toured the grounds, Draco showing her the orchards, the creek, the fields, and the ponds. 

Granger started to set up for their lunch in a large field, while Draco rooted through the food. He pulled out a large bottle of wine, with a note that said _From Roosta_. Draco hugged the bottle. "I always knew Roosta's heart was in the right place," he sighed. Hermione grabbed the bottle away from him.

"No wine! I can't find my way back by myself, and I doubt you could tell me if you're drunk," she said firmly.

Draco fell back. "Fine. Be that way. See if I care." He looked up at the clouds. Hmm… that one looked kind of like Dumbledore… Draco grabbed a sandwich from the basket. "So, any questions, O slave driver?" he asked Hermione lazily.

"Just one," Hermione said. "What's in the forest?" she asked, looking towards a heavily wooded area underneath a hill.

Draco looked at the woods, and then at Hermione. If she knew what was in that forest… "N…nothing," he mumbled. He being a rotten liar. Hermione only laughed and moved closer. "What's in that forest?" she asked. She obviously thought that it was a game.  
Draco sat up and looked Hermione directly in the eye. "Don't ever go in that forest. You might think going in the Forbidden Forest is no big deal, but if you go in that forest, invisibility cloak or not, you will die within five minutes," he said seriously. He checked to see if Hermione understood what he was saying. She simply shrugged.

"Okay," she said. She didn't sound very convincing.   
Draco shook his head and stood up, and called the horses Jack and Fett. When Hermione was finished, she got on Fett, and they both rode home.

Gm: Jeez, I just have so many vonderful and vantastik fans, I think I need to give a little credit! If you have a star by your name, you're on my top five best fan list, but even if you're not, I still love ya!

*Kaze Kitsune: Sorry other fans, but Kitsune is one of my fav fans; she was the first to review!

*Raven: You're too smart for your own good! Bad Raven!

*Willow: One of my bestest fans! Yeah! Six Chapters!!!

*Draco My Love: Isn't Draco _always cute?_

* Babyraccoon2: Aahh, a most faithful fan.

Angel: Yes, we all love Bo the Monkey…

Manda726: Keep on doing the Time Warp!

Roxybabi551: I dunno if they'll make out, lol.

Skyleia: Are you still reading this?

Draco My Love: Isn't Draco _always cute?_

GeminiBlack57 : Glad you like it!!

Anime-Writer: Yeah!! I'm on a favorite author list!!

The Otaku of Superness: All the support… *sniff*

Mariah: Keep reading!

iLoVeDrAcO15: Do you really?  
Lady Malfoy: Mmmm… try to be more… supportive when reviewing. I almost made my screen name Lady Malfoy.

Sila-chan: Sniggles is a really cute word!!!!

Bloody Love: Creepy screen name…

Niobe: Are you happy Ms Slave-driver? Lol

tBaby: Hon, press "Caps Lock" again.

Kandice: I like the lil cross thing, how do you do it?

Leika Senara: One of the many fans that reviewed once and disappeared into a black hole…

Elfklutz1200: I'm glad you liked the beginning, do you still like it?

Angelic-priestess: I wrote more! Yeah!

Gabgrl: Are you still reading?

Some1: Right on the money! My dreams are really weird like that too…

Kristen: Did you like Chapter Five?

Yume: Did you ever meet a guy that wasn't nasty in some way?

Asianbabygrl03: Nice to have a new reviewer!

AND FINALLY:

My cousin, the evil, _Phil_ (Inu87yasha): Aahh… don't use my real name! My fans are dumb! (*laughs nervously looking at the fans*) They think my name is Gm!! Anyway, say hi to Melissa for me. *wink* She was my inspiration for Carmelia. Victor steals everything of yours, why not your girlfriend? (The name Victor Nardone in Chapter Five is the name of Phil's twin)

Melissa, if you're reading this, I'm not as crazy as you think. 

**_KEEP ON READING AND REVIEWING! IF YOU DON'T CONSTANTLY REVIEW, I GET WORRIED ABOUT YOU! YOU CAN E-MAIL ME @ SERPENTOTHEELVES@YAHOO.COM! (I like fan mail…)_**

~Gm and Bo the Wonder Monkey


	7. Mud and More Frilly Stuff

I just felt sorry for you people hanging on the edge waiting…WAITING for another Chapter, so I will try to finish this before I go to Seattle. If I don't I'll send you a postcard.

PS: Niobe, I live in Clacton-on-Sea, just like the old couple in Chapter Four… *wink* How else am I gonna get my home town in my stories!? lol

PPS: If you are fans of the movies and not the books, GET OUT OF MY FIC!!!!! NOW!!!! *slaps* LEAVE AND NE'ER RETURN!!!

PPPS: I'm talking to Kaze Kitsune as I'm writing this. Spiffing. 

Disclaimer: If I own anything in this fic (which I don't) I'll just sue myself.

Just as Hermione sat down to the library and all it had to offer, she heard Narcissia calling her to her room.  As she climbed up the long stairway, she wondered what it was about. It had been four days since the tour of the grounds, and since then Hermione had been able to avoid Draco nicely. She knocked on Narcissia's door, and entered. 

Narcissia was sitting at her vanity table. She smiled and stood up. "Hermione dear, I have a favor to ask. Oh do sit down!" 

Hermione sat on her bed awkwardly. _Eungh__.__ A favor is never good, she thought to herself. _

"Well before I begin, I should call Draco. It concerns him as well," she said absentmindedly. She walked to the door and opened it, sticking her head out. "Draco!" she called. "What are you doing?" 

There was a slight shuffle. "Trying to get drunk on milk," he yelled. "So far all I've accomplished is making sure that my bones can withhold a train running into me."  
Narcissia rolled her eyes. "Come here! I need to talk to you!" She returned to her vanity set. 

Draco appeared at the door, his hair unslicked and looking relaxed.  He plopped down on the bed next behind Hermione and stretched out, yawning. "Yeah?" he said sleepily. 

Narcissia looked at him disapprovingly, but seemed to push that aside. "As you know, Draco, I belong to the Witches' Household Club," she said.

Draco winced. "Yeah, I know," he said trying to hold back his disgust. "Last year you had them over for that ball and I had to dress up in frilly stuff. I looked like a fool and everyone commented about how sweet and 'grown-up' I looked," he said, cringing at the memory. He held up his hands like he was drinking tea with his little finger up. " 'He looks just like his daddy,' " he said in a high-pitched voice. " 'He's going to grow up to be a very handsome man.' " Draco dropped his hands and looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Narcissia said through clenched teeth. "because this year we are having a ball at Abagnale Manor." 

Draco sat up. He blinked. He fell back on the bed. "Oh," he said faintly.

Narcissia nodded. "Hermione, dear, this is where my favor comes in," she said kindly. "I need you to come and help entertain the guests. We are also inviting the Wizards' Gentlemen's Club, and we will be needing to keep them all happy," Narcissia gushed, a starry look coming into her eyes. "We will have food and drink-- (Draco perked up at this) – and everyone will dance and talk and compliment on the house…," she murmured to herself. She snapped back to reality. "Draco, you will be talking care of the music?" she asked him.   
Draco looked embarrassed at this, but nodded and walked out of the room.

Narcissia smiled at Hermione. "Thank you, dear," she said. She opened the door for her. Hermione looked at her. She had not offered to do anything! But instead of saying so, she walked out of the room and returned to the library. 

Draco walked into Hermione's room and reached under the bed. He pulled something out and cradled it in his arms. He hates these stupid Witches gatherings. He had to stand up for 6 hours listening about exactly how much he's grown and dancing with plump middle-aged ladies. Not his idea of fun. 

Draco heard footsteps and thrust the object under his bed. Hermione walked in looked furious. 

"What the hell are you doing in my room, Malfoy!?" she shrieked. Draco stood up, trying to think of a plausible excuse.

"This is my room, you know," he said lamely. "I just came here for…" he looked around the room. "This!" He grabbed a little statuette of a dragon. It tried to bite him. "So now that I have it, I'm gonna go," he said. He pushed past Hermione and walked hurriedly to his room. That was too close. He needed to move his object to his room, so he could stop sneaking in there to use it.

And about this ball… Would he have to dance with Hermione!? **Awww****… part of his brain said. _Shut up. I hate it when you think at me, because then I have to think back, and I hate doing it because that's almost like talking to myself only worse because I'm going crazy. **Over Hermione?**_**** "Shut up," Draco said outloud. **

Narcissia had just walked in front of him as he said it. Her mouth fell open. "I beg your pardon?" she said, shocked. Draco felt his heart sinking. He was in deep shit.

"Um, no, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to…" he looked around franticly. "Myself?"

Narcissia glared at him. She grabbed his arm and yanked him downstairs. 

"No!" Draco yelped. "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean ittttt…," he wailed as she shoved him into a dark room in the basement. Back in the Middle Ages, the Malfoys used it to lock up traitors and people who went against their ideas. It was somewhat of a jail cell, and TOTALLY magic-proof. When ever Draco did something over the line, he spent a day or two inside it.   
Draco sat down on a pile of damp hay moodily.

"You will stay in there until you learn to respect your elders," Narcissia snapped, locking the door. She walked back up the stairs, clomping her feet as she went.   
Draco crossed his arms. _This is all your fault._ He thought. **MY fault?**** In case you haven't noticed, I AM you. So it's your own fault really. **You're just crazy, that's all.** Draco pursed his lips. He had a point there… Draco stood up and paced around the room. This sucked. He just got home from a prison he laughingly referred to as "school," and now he WAS in prison. He looked at the muggle lock. If only there was some way to unlock it… Draco started poking the lock with various bits of straw. It was no use. The damn thing was being difficult.**

Half an hour later, he heard someone coming down the stairs. _Oh good!_ he thought. _Mother changed her mind. She realizes that I _am_ going crazy. _

Instead of his fair-haired mother, Hermione came bobbing down the stairs, smirking. "I always knew I'd see you in jail someday, Malfoy," she said happily. "I just never knew your mother would be behind it…"

Draco glared at her and leaned back on the hay. "For your information, this is not a jail cell, this is the mental asylum," he said smartly. "You've come to the right place; you may use the cell next to me."

Hermione smirked and sat down at a bench across from him. "What did you do?" she said, laughing.

Draco rolled his eyes. "I stole some wine from the wine cellar," he said, knowing that she would believe him. 

Hermione laughed. "Smart," she said, stretching out. "Since I have no fancy clothes, I suppose I will be wearing your suits to the ball. Tell me, do you have anything frilly enough that instead of eating dinner, I can just slip it into my shirt and it won't be found for years?"

Draco glared at her. That didn't make any sense, but it still was a pretty bad diss. "I don't know, but maybe Weasly has something like that. Why don't you just ask him? You probably wear his clothes anyway. You being boyfriend and girlfriend and all," he said scathingly. Hermione glared daggers at him. 

"Very funny," she said. 

Draco laughed and tried to squirm into a more comfortable position, away from the wet spots. "Yeah, whatever," he said.

Hermione glared at him and walked back up the stairs. 

Draco giggled to himself, and tried to sleep…

  
  
Draco woke up wet. All over. As he looked out the window from his hay, he could see that it was raining. The rain was pouring in through the bars and all over the dusty floor. Draco closed his eyes. At least there was something warm on his left side. Whatever that was. It felt nice, and yet vaguely familiar. 

Draco rolled over and opened his eyes. Hm… that's funny. Brown curly hair, rosy cheeks… 

"HOLY SHIT!" Draco yelled jumping to his feet. Hermione moved in her sleep, but did not wake.

"Oh crap! What am I gonna do now? How did she get in here? Why did she get in here? My shoes are wet and it's squishy when I walk!" he moaned softly to himself. He pushed on the gate. It was unlocked, and opened. A hairpin lay on the wooden bench. He eyed the pin suspiciously, as if it might suddenly move. 

Draco walked back over to Hermione's sleeping body. He nudged her with his foot. She didn't wake up. He carefully and gently slid her out on his cell and into the hallway. It was fairly easy to do; the mud was very slippery. He pulled the door shut and lied back on the hay, squinting his eyes at Hermione, waiting for her to wake up. 

Ten minutes later, Draco coughed. She didn't stir. He coughed again. She didn't move. Draco fished around the cell and pulled out a small stone. He chucked the stone at Hermione, and then fell back down on the hay, pretending to be asleep. 

Hermione groaned and looked around. She frowned and looked around the cell. She looked confused. She pulled on the cell gate. It opened. She closed it, and sat in the bench rubbing her face. She looked at her back in horror. It was covered with mud from her head to toe. Draco could not help but smirking. Hermione looked at Draco, who snapped his eyes shut. Draco could hear her open the door and walk inside. Draco froze. Was he caught? Hermione crouched down by him, and kissed the top of his head. Draco stopped breathing. 

There was a small person inside Draco's head wailing. _HAS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE GONE HORRIABLY WRONG!?_ it screamed, running around. The little person ran into a corner and committed suicide. That was exactly how Draco felt.

Hermione swept from the cell and went upstairs.   
Draco waited until he knew she was gone. He kicked a wall and screamed. He slipped on the mud and fell. "My life sucks," he muttered, and started covering himself with mud

A/N: Cool! Draco's going crazy! You know the little person that committed suicide? I have a little person like that inside _my head. Sometimes I crack up laughing at it, and get my ass kicked because people think I'm laughing at them. My life sucks too._

Read And RE~VIEW

_There once was a fic about Draco,_

_The author was crazy and psyco,_

_The fans they all read_

_And review or be dead,_

_Uh-oh you better get Macco._

~Gm and Bo the Monkey

PS: Psyco DOES rhyme with Draco, so leave me alone.


	8. And then dun dun! THE NINJAS ATTACK!

A/N: HI guys! Back from Seattleeeeeeeee!  Because I replaced Chap 7 I don't think you guys realized I updated. What a crime! Cheated out of a chapter!

I have already finished the story in my head, (what is this story rated, PG? Better make it PG-13…) and I just need to write it down. I wouldn't get your hopes up, just because I know what I'm going to write isn't gonna make it any faster. I have to study math, English, Latin AND Japanese. Not to mention history, violin, or science. AND I have to check my e-mail (I never get any… HINT HINT (Serpentotheelves@yahoo.com!!)), and pester my cousin about his lover, Keria Knightly.  

About my last chapter, I got some reviewers who were a little confused. Why? How does that not make sense? *reads chapter again* I don't get you. *chucks papers over shoulder* Would _you resist a hot guy that you live with and has been really nice and you see him sleeping like a little angel…Sigh….  *sob* I have no love life…_

~Gm, Jack and Bo the Wonder Monkey

**_VERY IMPORTANT A/N!!!: I decided to change it from taking place in 5th year, to 6th year. I am REALLY sorry for any confusion this may have caused. I can't think of any way to change it in the past, so…just bear that in mind. Gomen!!!_**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, The Beatles, Jack Sparrow (only his heart…), or the knickers someone threw into the rafters of the girl's locker room. (I swear it!!! Why won't people leave me alone about that? It was last year, okay!? Get over it!!!)

Hermione made her way back up the stairs. Had she just kissed _Malfoy_? _No, she decided. _Not Malfoy, Draco._ Why had she done it? Well, he just looked so cute sleeping, just like a little boy. And he had been so nice to her lately, just like a brother. Not that she would kiss a brother like that. _

She walked into her room and took out her Ancient Ruins homework. What does it matter if she kissed him, anyway? It's not like he knew.

Hermione thoughtfully rubbed her quill against her lip, translating Elvish to Latin. After ten minutes of starring at the same word, she put it away. She just couldn't concentrate. 

What of this ball, anyway? Would she have to dance with Mal—Draco? She half hoped so, but she half dreaded it with all her heart. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but yet it meant more then the world itself.

Hermione pulled her hair in frustration. She needed to tell someone, _anyone_ about _everything. She got out a piece of paper from her bag. Who could she write to? She could only think of Ginny. She just hoped to God that Ron wouldn't get a hold of it…_

                                    _Dear Ginny,_

_                        How is your summer so far? Have you done your homework yet? My summer has been very eventful, but I'll get to that        later._

_                        Did Harry come over to your house yet, or is he still at home? I hope to visit all of you very soon!! I miss you all so             much… Summer is much too long. My mind is rotting from lack of use, so I have been reading all I can to keep it sharp.        Imagine what would happen if school came and I didn't know a thing!_

_                        The reason I wrote to you is because I am not staying with an old lady like I told Ron. The truth is I am staying with_

Hermione let out a frustrated scream and ripped up the parchment. She just couldn't bring herself to write it. Hermione threw the torn-up pieces in the wastebasket, and stomped downstairs. 

Mrs. Malfoy was sitting on the couch, happily humming and stitching. She looked up when Hermione came to the bottom of the stairs.

"My, Hermione, such temper," Mrs. Malfoy said, sounding concerned. "Is something bothering you?"

"No," Hermione said, forcing a smile on her face. "No, I'm fine."

Narcissia tittered to herself, and smiled understandingly. "Oh, I understand. The moon has turned on you." Narcissia tittered again and continued to stitch.

Hermione stared at her in amazement. She must have some guts to talk to people that she didn't know like that. Hermione shook her head and went into the library. Even books couldn't comfort her, but it felt safe and familiar surrounded by her best friends.

She laid her head on the desk and sighed. Life sucked.

Draco cackled to himself. "No, not one ninja, but two, yes!" he ranted out loud. "_Two_ ninjas leap down on him. But Potter doesn't see them. Oh no, but just as he bends down to tie his shoe, _the ninjas attack!_" Draco threw some mud on another pile of mud to prove his point. He glared at a spider on the wall. "What's that, Mr. Jones? You don't believe me? Well it's true! Or will be. Yes, one day _it will be…_"

Draco stopped telling Mr. Jones "Harry Potter and the Ninjas of Doom," by Draco L. Malfoy. He had the feeling someone was watching him. He looked up. His mother was holding some bread on a tray, staring at him with a look of dumb shock on her face. 

Draco grinned, standing up and putting his hands on the bars. "Is that for me, Mom?" he chirped. "I hope so, I'm starved."

Narcissia opened her mouth in horror. She screamed, dropping the tray. 

"Hey!" Draco wined, dropping to his knees, trying to reach the bread through the bars. "Whaddid yoo do that fer?"

Narcissia backed away from him, and pressed herself against the wall.

Hermione raced down the stairs, wand out, and looked wildly from Draco to Narcissia. "What happened!?" she yelled.

Narcissia seemed to recover herself. "You're filthy, you're eating food from the floor, (Draco guiltily spit out the bread he was eating) and you're _talking to a spider about ninjas and Harry Potter's death_," Narcissia shrieked.  
Hermione giggled to herself, but stopped when both Draco and Narcissia stared at her. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I always laugh when the subject of ninjas are brought up."

Narcissia rushed to open the jail cell. "Draco. You will not leave this room until your clothes are changed, your hair washed, and those leaves are out of your hair!"

Draco scowled at her. "Those aren't leaves, they're ninja camouflage," he muttered sourly to himself.

"Come, Hermione," Narcissia said, in a very controlled voice. "We need to go upstairs and work on our dresses. Roosta!" 

The House Elf scurried down and bowed shortly. 

"You need to hose down young Master Malfoy and get him some clean clothes," she finished. With a parting glare, she and Hermione went upstairs. 

Draco smiled at Roosta. _Works every time…_

Draco walked up the stairs swaying gently. That shampoo Roosta used always made him feel slightly drunk. He loved it. He walked into the parlor room, and watched his mother and Hermione sew. Narcissia seemed to be on some rant on how blues and greens must never mix, and Hermione was miserably sewing a long piece of black fabric, sucking her bleeding thumb occasionally. 

Hermione looked up and looked at him pleadingly. Draco silently laughed to himself and shrugged. "What can I do?" he mouthed. Hermione sighed and returned to sewing her bloody dress. Draco smiled to himself. Hermione was really growing on him; he found himself in her presence more and more. 

Draco hummed and walked up to his room. He sung a little muggle tune concerning the fact that money could not by him love. 

There was only two more weeks until that stupid ball. He guessed that his mother had made him a stupid little outfit with too many frills. Heck, if he had it his way, he would wear his leather pants and black silk shirt, but noooo, he had to wear a shirt that formally belonged to Prince Charming. Or at least the Charming guy formally known as Prince. 

Draco paced around his room anxiously before falling on his bed. He was so _bored_.  
He picked up a small toy that his mother had given him when he was very young. It was a shaped like a small glass ball, and when it was shook, it told you an activity to do. His mother gave it to him so he wouldn't complain about being bored. 

Draco shook the ball and squinted into it. Small silver letters snaked around forming: _Go read your roommate's diary to see if they like you, because even if you won't admit it, you like her. _Draco blinked. "That was oddly specific," he muttered. "But I don't know where it is, so…" He looked at the ball again, which letters were reforming. _Inside the bottom drawer underneath a Hypnosis textbook.___

Draco blinked at the ball again. He shrugged 

"When in Rome…," he began, and snuck to Hermione's room. 

Draco pulled the giant textbook from the drawer. Underneath it was a small leather unlabeled book, that Draco supposed was the diary. 

He froze when he heard a noise from below. A few minutes later, he grabbed the book and ran to his room. 

Sitting down on his bed, Draco opened the book in a random place and began reading.

_Dear Diary, _

_Today was my first day back at Hogwarts as a 5th year! It feels so good to be back home where I belong and am understood. My parents are sweet, but I love it here!_

_I missed my boys, Harry and Ron, so much! But there's one person I don't like: Draco Malfoy. Why can't he get a life and stop plaguing mine?_

Draco laughed to himself. Yeah, that pretty much described him in a nutshell. But not anymore. He was going to change. Hell, he already did. 

Draco flipped to the end of the writing.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today,_

And that was all she wrote. Draco shut the book with a scowl. Leave it to Hermione to mess evil plans up. 

He returned the diary to the dresser, carefully making sure that every last thing was in its exact place. He then went downstairs to wait in the Library. The place that Hermione was sure to be in one time or another…

A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I had an acute sense of writer's block. If I had written this on time there would have been more to it, but SOMEBODY *coughkitsunecough* was pressuring me to put it up. Aah well. I promise to write Chapter Nine faster. But the more reviews I get, the higher my ego is, thus the faster I write. Remember that!


	9. I'm not dead! Yes you are, get in the ba...

A/N: Something's wrong, some times the spacing in my stories is messed up, like the last chapter in the beginning paragraph. I'm doing everything right, and saving it as a website and everything. And also, when I make those lines across the paper to separate stuff it doesn't work! What's wrong?? Send your e-mails to Serpentotheelves@yahoo.com

My fic Letters to Draco got taken off!! *sob* Damn losers at fanfiction.net. Heh heh! Just kidding. I love you guys. (…)

If you like comedy and cross-dressing, check out my new fic! 

This chapter goes out to Brant; the dirty-est of us all!

PS: Everyone thank Bobbin, cuz she got this chapter out a lot faster! (Sucking up makes be write faster)

Disclaimer: Woo! I almost forgot this! Anyway, I do not own Potter. I do not own Draco. I do not own Narcissia. I DO, however, own the _Shian__ Dhu, Master Vibes, and a pencil with a bunny-shaped eraser._

Hermione waited while Narcissia carefully studied her half-finished dress. Narcissia smiled and handed it back to her. "It will do for now," she said. "This has been very much fun. We'll need to do it again!"  
Hermione summoned a weak smile and gratefully put her sewing materials away. She went for the library to finish her Ancient Ruins homework.   
She hesitated at the door way when she saw Draco sitting at a chair reading a large book called _Shian__ Dhu._

Hermione froze when he looked up at her. Hermione uneasly sat down, although she was pleased to see him. "Oh, it's you," she said, as though she found something unpleasant in her shirt. Draco laughed softly.   
"So you survived the sewing match of doom," Draco said, smiling kindly.  
Hermione smiled. "Yeah. I nearly got my thumb sewn up, though. I poked it to death." 

Draco looked concerned. "Really? Let me see," he said, standing up.  
Hermione smiled nervously. "No, that's okay," she said a little too quickly. "I'm okay." Draco continued to walk towards her. He picked up her hand and examined it carefully. Hermione squirmed uncomfortably. His hand was cold and strong. Hers was getting all sweaty.   
Draco took out his wand and held it to her hand. "_Admencus__," he muttered. The cuts on Hermione's hand slowly began to fade away. Hermione blushed and took back her hand. "Thank you, but I could have done it myself," she stammered irritably. Draco smirked and went back to his chair._

"Whatever," he muttered.   
Hermione blushed and silently pinched herself for acting like such a git. "Anyway," she continued, causing Draco to look up from his book, "how can you use magic? You're under-age."  
Draco smiled sarcastically. "Now Granger, I thought you were smarter than that!" he mocked. "Haven't you spent enough time with the Malfoys to realize that we play dirty*? We got the Ministry to take us off that chart thing that they use. I have been using magic since I was all but three!"

Hermione squirmed again. She needed to start using her head! She carefully looked at her hands, trying to think of something witty and clever that would make Draco think that she wasn't an idiot. Hermione looked around the immaculate library, full of books on every subject you could imagine. On the lower spine of each book was the Malfoy crest; a silver snake intertwining a gold 'M.'

Draco seemed to notice what she was looking at. "Your dream, huh?" he said. 

"What?" Hermione said nervously. 

Draco smiled. "All those books."

Hermione smiled. "Oh, yeah," she stammered. She was being such an idiot! Losing her head over a boy! But a cute boy. A nice boy. A man. Hermione pulled three strands out of her curly head. She needed to get her head on straight!

Hermione jumped when Narcissia walked to the doorway. "Draco," she sighed, seeming almost bored. "Master Vibes is here."

Draco looked happier then he had in a while. "Finally!" he said, carelessly tossing his book onto his chair.

Narcissia looked at Hermione. "You may join Draco if you wish. He will be in the eastern side of the manor," she said.  
Hermione shook her head and smiled. "Maybe later," she told her. "I have to finish my Ancient Ruins homework."  
Draco looked a bit disappointed. "It's your funeral," he muttered, and swept from the room.   
When both Narcissia and Draco had gone, Hermione picked up the book from where Draco had strewn it. As she flipped through it, she sat down on his chair. From what Hermione could gather, it seemed to be about a seventeen year old person who goes out to destroy an evil force that the people call the _Shain__ Dhu, the Black Hill. Hermione read from the beginning, and not before long she was sucked into the spinning plot. After what seemed like hours, Hermione read the last page and sat it down._

"Why would Draco be reading this?" she muttered to herself. The book had been dark, painful, and depressing, the only thing that Hermione had ever read that made her cry out loud. Hermione certainly did feel a lot worse then when she started. To make her feel better, she decided to go down to Draco after all. She followed Fenny (who was too happy to oblige) to where Narcissia had told her.   
As she walked down the stairs, she could just barely see Draco's head. She walked towards him, smiling. He saw her and grinned smugly. 

"Missed me too much, eh?" he crowed. His look of smugness quickly faded, however, as a sword flung by a large man ran through his chest.

***

Hermione ran down to where Draco was lying. 

"Draco!" she wailed. "Are you okay!?" She began stroking his head.

Draco fought back a smile. The stupid git. "Mione, I'm okay," he said.

Hermione hiccupped. "You're alive?" she whimpered.

Draco nodded slowly and distinctly, like he was talking to a child. "Yes, I am okay Hermione Granger."

Hermione hiccupped again. "But the sword…" she began lamely.

Draco nodded again. "Magic," he said carefully. "This is sparring. It is fake. I am not dead."

Hermione brushed away her tears. "Oh," she said shakily. "I'm so stupid!" she cried.  
Draco sighed and looked up at his teacher, Master Vibes, who was giggling to himself. Draco frowned at him. Vibes never knew when to be serious. Draco awkwardly hugged Hermione's shoulders. "S'okay. I'm sorry too,"

Vibes laughed, walking to Hermione. "What a sorry group of people!" he said smiling. "I am sorry too."   
Draco grinned. "Hermione, this is Master Vibes. Vibes, this is Hermione. She'll be staying at our house for a while. Hermione wiped her wet hand on her sleeve and shook Vibes's hand.

"Pleased to meet you," she muttered quietly, looking at the ground.

"Now just get a grip and you can watch me fight," Draco said, forgetting that Hermione was very upset. He felt adrenaline rushing through him. 

Hermione nodded and hurried over to a bench, sniffling to herself everyone and a while. 

Draco grinned rakishly at Vibes. "I am sorry you had to see me fall, Hermione," he said, not taking his eyes off of Vibes's. "You will not see me do it again."

Vibes brought up his sword. "You wish," he muttered.   
With a metal clang, the swords were brought together with fury. When ever Draco made a stupid move or came close to danger, Hermione gave a little worried squeak. Draco, who found it very funny, sometimes did stupid things to provoke it. Vibes seemed to have no end to his energy. Draco started to get hungry. It was time for lunch. He wanted lunch, he needed lunch, and required lunch immediately. He needed to end this. He mentally shouted at the little cheerleaders that were jumping around in his head. Draco jumped onto a large platform, waiting for Vibes to follow. When Vibes was in mid-jump, Draco held out his sword, running through Vibes.   
Draco laughed and jumped down from the platform, helping Vibes up from where he had fallen. "I beat you!" he crowed.

Vibes scowled at him, then burst out laughing. "So you did," he said. "Draco, your skills are beginning to surpass mine. You will undoubtedly become one of the greatest."   
Draco eyed him skeptically. "Vibes, just because I kicked your ass at sparring doesn't mean anything. I mean, you suck!" 

Vibes stared at him for a moment, and burst out laughing. "Whatever you say, Master Malfoy," he said tousling his hair. "I'll see you next week."  
Vibes disappeared with a sharp crack.

Hermione ran up to Draco and helped him pick up his sparring equipment. Draco laughed hysterically.

"What?" she asked, poking him. Draco continued laughing uncontrollably. "What!?" she demanded. Draco doubled over on the ground, shaking and laughing. "What is it, you little Slytherin!!??" she shrieked. Hermione finally gave in and started laughing too. 

*Remember this? Gm & Jack: Dirty dddiiiiirrrrttttyy!!!

Aww! I didn't mean to make it so short but that just seemed like such a cute ending that it needed to stop there. I mean, you can't write anything else after that! It's sacrilege! 

If you like this story, please show it to a friend. And don't forget to rrrrreeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!


	10. What Have I Got to Lose?

A/N: *sob* Why is it I always have such great dreams, wake up, and five minutes later I realize that's it's not true! *sniffle* I want it to be true. Can somebody make it true!?!?!? ANYONE!?!?!? Anyway, enough of me bitching… 100 REVIEWS! *sniffle* I couldn't have asked for more, guys! *sniffle* Now, for my second wish, I wish that my dream about--*gets whacked by Bo* Um... Never mind.

                                                                                    ***

Hermione stared at the floor as she walked upstairs from Draco's fencing lesson. Draco laughed and put his arm around her. "Sorry 'bout that, but…" he said smiling.

Hermione faltered on the steps. "Uh... s'okay," she mumbled. "Let's just forget about it, okay?" 

Draco grinned. "So!" he crowed, swinging his arms in a wide circle. "Whaddya wanna do now?" Draco let his arms drop to his side and looked at her quizzically. 

Hermione looked at him cockeyed. "What exactly did you eat today?" she asked, frowning.

Draco laughed and pulled out a small bottle from his pocket. "A gift," he said, his voice dripping with self-pride, "from Roosta. He knows my ails and pains."   
Hermione snatched the bottle from Draco and gingerly sniffed its contents. It smelt sugary and sweet. Still frowning, Hermione took a sip. She burst out laughing and gave Draco a small shove. "This is just sugar water!" she yelled laughing.

Draco took the bottle and quickly drained it. He smacked his lips. "Well that certainly makes a hell of a lot more sense, now there doesn't it?" 

Hermione burst out laughing. "You really are something, you know that?" 

Draco grinned arrogantly, putting his hands behind his head. "Yes, yes," he said in a lofty tone. "I really am, aren't I?" 

Hermione laughed and ran into her room and slammed the door. She fell onto her bed in a giggling fit. She sat up abruptly when she heard a loud banging on her door. "Granger? Hello???" she heard Draco yell. 

She stood up and put her head to the door. "Yes?" she yelled back. "Hello?"

"Open the door!" Draco shouted.

Hermione smiled. "I don't see why I should!" 

"Plleeaasseee???" he whined in a high pitched nasal voice that sounded strangely like Neville. 

Hermione smiled and opened the door. She just liked to hear him beg. She restrained a smile and put on a playful mock look of bitter disappointment. "Oh," she said. "I thought it was someone worth while."

Draco smirked and walked inside, sitting on his window seat. "You know you want me," he said in a lofty tone. "You all do."  
Hermione paused and considered this for a moment, trying to think of just the right comeback. "What?" she teased. "Even the guys?" She grinned at the look of surprise on Draco's pale face. "Because, honestly, I think you'd look simply wonderful in a dress." 

Draco gaped at her a moment. His look of surprise broke as he laughed heartily. "Hermione, I now proclaim you the Come Back Guru, who has gotten the best of me three times." He put his hand on her shoulder. "And being named thus, I now proclaim you worthy."

Hermione beamed up at him. She felt incredibly happy that she was accepting him, although she didn't know quite what for. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hop up and down squealing. "Worthy for what?" she said smiling, ignoring her protesting hormones. 

She looked at his warm face and his cold eyes, which were turning softer everyday. She didn't have to wait long for her wish to come true; Draco gathered up her small frame in a warm hug. Hermione stood up strait in surprise, and she could feel her face turning bright red. 

"This," he whispered into her ear. He released her, eyes sparkling, and ran his hand over her soft curly hair. Hermione stared at him dumbly, and pinched herself subtly to make sure that it wasn't a dream. She had had so many like this before, but this time, this glorious time! it was real. 

Smiling one last time, he held his cool palm to Hermione's bright red cheek. Without saying another word, he swept from the room. 

Hermione walked up to the doorway, leaning onto the door frame. Her wits were having a bitter battle with inside her head: head vs. heart. After what felt like ages, she stood up straight.   
Hermione smirked a Draco-ish smirk and laughed a Draco-ish laugh.

"What have I got to lose?" she said in a arrogant Malfoy drawl, and shut the door. 

A/N: And, yes! That's it!!!!!! No more!!!!! I'm done! This Chapter is finished! So close this window (after reviewing), get up, and get on with your life! It was so short because I don't have writer's block (for once), instead I was struck with a brilliant idea that could not be carried out in this chapter. Never fear, that chapter is over halfway done, so relax. Check back tomorrow. Or something. It'll take a while to type up because I always do five things when I'm online, which is the only time I think of it. So, hugz, and lemmingz, and don't forget to write. 


	11. Happy Boob Day!

A/N: Everybody, say it with me: I DON'T HAVE WRITERS BLOCK! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!!! \/\/007!!!!!

Anywho, when I went to check me mail, guess how many messages I had? 20! Crap, I get excited when I have three. All of it was reviews, too! I have a couple mentionings that I would like to mention: Garrett is TOTALLY hot, Kyle sucks, and Jenny needs to get a life. (If I had offended anyone, it's a coincidence. Unless you know me personally. Then I really meant you.)

  
GO TO WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/SERPENTOTHEELVES/FANFICHOME !!!!!!!!!!!!! Really! Go! You know you want to!!!!

***

Draco snoozed happily in his bed. He was having the most wonderful dream! He was dreaming that he was a ninja who was battling a fierce battle with those dishonorable samurais, who curiously looked like Potter and Weasley. 

He felt someone sit on his bed and coughed their thought expectantly.

Draco summoned up enough strength to crack one eyelid open. Hermione's big brown eyes gazed matter-of-factly at him. He groaned and turned over. "Nani gi desu ka?" he muttered.

"What?" Hermione said with an annoying crispness.

"What time is it?" he shouted irritably. 

"Oh," she said. "7:30. Now look at me!" 

Draco laboriously turned over and squinted up at her. 

Hermione laughed. "Well you're looking entergetic today!" she said grinning.

Draco glared at her. Damn morning person. She looked way too good for seven in the morning. Such things should never be allowed. He rolled over to his stomach.

Hermione poked him. "Get up!" she prodded.

Draco pulled his blankets over his head. "Go away,"

Hermione laughed and lied on top of him. "Do you know what today is?" she asked, ignoring his groans and protests.

Draco shut his eyes tightly and tried not to think about Hermione's boobs pressed up against his back. "Thursday," he muttered.

Hermione laughed. "Besides that!" She was very exited about something, clearly very childishly so. 

"The 28th of June," he mumbled. _Don't think about boobs… he thought. **BOOBS! **__Stop it!!!_

Hermione put her head on Draco's. "Think carefully…"

"National Dork Day, the Queen's birthday, Fudge's anniversary, Boob Day—," he listed irritably. 

Hermione frowned at him. "Boob Day?" she asked. "Where did—,"

"Never mind," he quickly interrupted. Damn hormones. He flipped over and Hermione sat cross-legged on his stomach. "Granger," he said. "nothing you say or do will get me up from this bed."

Hermione would not be deterred. "So I'm Granger now, am I?" she asked, cocking her head.

"You are when you're waking me up this early."

Hermione sat quietly on top of Draco, clearly thinking of how to get him out of bed. She was curiously light. 

She smirked. "Is that your wand poking me or are you just happy to see me?"

Draco jumped up quickly and jumped out of bed. "Fine!" he yelled. "I'm up! What do you want!?!?"

Hermione laughed and got off from where she was dropped. "It's my birthday!" she shouted happily. "I'm 16 now!" 

Draco smiled and gave her a hug. "Happy birthday, Mione," he said. "Sorry I was such a pain."  
Hermione grinned, barely containing her joy. "S'okay!" she chirped. "Just hurry up and get dressed so you can get me a present!" She squealed, and ran down stairs, slamming the door. 

Draco blinked at the door. "Hermione!" he called lamely down the hallway. "Did I mention that I'm broke? Hermione!!!" He sighed and closed the door, and began to get dressed. 

For the first time in a long time, Draco actually thought about what he was going to wear that day. He longed to wear the ninja costume his mother had made for him when he was three, before his father decided that he was "too old for such childish games." At three.  Draco began to get angry at his father. He ruined his childhood; expecting him to act like an adult yet treating him like a child, abusing his mother right in front of his eyes, and was as cruel and calculating as the very serpent Draco had been named after. 

Draco hastily put the first things his hands touched and angrily stomped downstairs.

He tried to calm down by thinking of what he could get Hermione for her birthday that she would like, or more importantly he could afford. 

He thought of this as he waltzed into the dining room where his mother sat, quietly eating some small cakes with tea and milk. 

"Hey Mother," Draco said, kissing Narcissia on her rosy cheek. He took a cake from her plate and sat down. 

Narcissia looked both pleased and annoyed, but answered "Good morning. I believe that Miss Granger is in the town green waiting for you." She paused to take a polite bite of her cake. "I believe that it is her birthday."   
Draco nodded and took a long gulp of tea. "Yeah," he answered in between swallows. "I was thinking of giving her a kitten that one of the barn cats had this spring." He paused to wipe his mouth on his sleeve, but Narcissia covered his arm with a napkin. Draco rolled his eyes and daintily patted his mouth with the napkin. 

Narcissia shrugged. "If you think she'd like one." 

Draco nodded and shoved two more cakes in his mouth, racing to the door.

"Just make sure it doesn't have fleas!" Draco heard Narcissia call. 

Draco jogged down to a barn where he knew a couple of cat families lived. He was greeted by several eager mews, calls for a treat or some affection. 

There was quite a selection of cats and kittens to choose from. Black cats, white cats, brown cats, striped cats, cats with long fur, cats with short fur, cats with no fur, calico cats, cats with mice in their paws, and even ones that looked vaguely Siamese.

There was one kitten, however, that caught Draco's attention. He was black and white with two black patches on each ear, and a little chip of black on his chin. He had a speck of mischief in his blue eyes. He was twisting and squirming into different positions trying  to catch a small fly.

Draco kneeled down to the little kitten and held out a finger. The kitten smelt it carefully and batted it curiously with his paw. Draco smiled and picked the little kitten up in his arms. This would be the one he would give to Hermione.   
He walked down to the town's green and saw Hermione looking for him expectantly in the other direction. When she finally caught sight of him, her whole face lit up and she raced to him. 

Draco smiled at her and gave her a half hug, being careful not to smush the little kitten.

"Ta-da!" Draco crowed, pulling the kitten out from behind his back. 

Hermione let out a squeal of delight and carefully picked up the kitten. "Is it really mine?" she breathed happily. 

Draco laughed and nodded. 

"But are you sure your mother will let me keep it?" she said anxiously.   
Laughing, Draco nodded and gave the little kitten a pat. "As long as is doesn't mean more cleaning up for her, she doesn't care." He shifted from one foot to the other. "So what are you going to name him?"   
Hermione carefully bit her lip and looked into the kitten's eyes. "Hmmm," she said. She was obviously considering this very carefully. "Purkoy," she finally stated very clearly. "His name is Purkoy." Placing little Purkoy in her robe pocket, she confidently started to strut back to the Malfoy manor house.

Draco jogged up to catch up with her. "Yeah, okay. Purkoy. That's a cute name," he said amiably.

While Draco tried futilely to catch up, Hermione came to a sudden and complete stop. "Oh yeah, I forgot," she muttered absentmindedly. With that she turned around to where Draco finally stood, she tackled him. 

Draco let out a yelp as the brunette took him down to the ground. He felt her boobs smush into his cheek.

"Thanks Draco!!!" she shouted, rubbing her head against his hair.

Draco blinked. "Is this the way you're always on your birthday?" he asked, startled.

Hermione laughed and closed her eyes.

"HAPPY BOOB DAY, ENGLAND!" Draco shouted happily into the endless sky. 

***

A/N: I am now declaring November 30th International Boob Day. Whether you are in England, Canada, or the US, wish your friends and neighbors HAPPY BOOB DAY!


	12. How to Properly Apply Makeup

A/N: *screams* HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET A CHAPTER OUT HERE???? I know, I know, and I'm sorry. I suck! Let's get it over with. I would have never gotten it out by now (gasp) if it wasn't for Suki Elvenborn, who pestered me and helped me transmit my thoughts onto paper (as it were). THANK YOU!!!!  
  
Now, in order for you guys to get one of the jokes in this fic, you'll have to have read "Letters to Draco," an early fic, which was taken off of ff.net by the *&^@!$*'s on top. If you want to read the short lil bit (which only take 2 minutes) paste the following link into a browser: http://www.geocities.com/serpentotheelves/letters2draco4 . It's the last entry at the bottom. While you're there, check out the homepage: http://www.geocities.com/serpentotheelves/fanfichome ! Now, the moment you've all been waiting for…  
  
***  
  
Draco woke. Looking crabbily around his dismal room, he shoved off his blankets, and stomped to his bathroom to view his lovely face.   
  
At a glance, Draco didn't even recognize his own face. The scowl that was only replaced with a mocking smirk ceased to exist. His eyes looked friendly, his hair turning blonde from the sun exposure, and (this was the worst) he was developing a tan.   
  
Draco felt his mouth drop, but he did nothing to stop it. "Oh my god," he whispered, terrified. "I'm turning into a blonde Harry Potter."  
  
Draco ran from the freak in the mirror at breakneck speed to his bed, plopping down at break-neck speed. Panting, he lifted his head to glance around the room, looking for the little ninja that was in every dream Draco ever had. He jumped up, sprinted all of two meters, and tripped over yesterday's clothes. Without standing up, he pawed open his dresser and grabbed the first black coloured garment his fingers touched. Fortunately, the dresser was full of them.   
  
Struggling on a shirt, Draco tried to run to the bathroom, failed, stood back up, fell again, put the shirt on, and finished the long trek to the bathroom.   
  
Grabbing a glob of Snape's Hair Solution (TM), Draco carefully gelled back his hair into his sleek trademark that had been called "beaver butt" by so many original thinkers. Draco's lower lip trembled, and he felt little pinpricks of tears behind his eyes… His hair no longer blended into the colour of his pale face.  
  
Curse the vile sun, and curse that Mudblood Granger for making him go into it!! There was only one thing to do in this dire of a situation: take a trip to his mother's room…  
  
***  
  
Draco bursted into his bedroom, panting. On his list of Things Never to Do Again, that was on top. Death by pink suffocation was not the way Draco wanted to go.   
  
Taking a deep breath, he strode bravely into the bathroom, grasping a small vile that he had procured from his mother's room. "Remember," Draco told his reflection, his voice trembling, "I'm only doing this because I love you."  
  
Checking one more time to see if anyone was coming (no one was; it was four o'clock in the morning) and giving his room a visual check (didn't he have green sheets, not white ones? Oh well…), he boldly poked an index finger into the bottle. He shivered. The contents were cold and slimy, and generally unpleasant. Draco splattered the glob onto his face.  
  
His reflection gazed dumbly at him. What was he supposed to do now?   
  
While contemplating that little query, Draco caught sight of Fenny the house elf walking into his bedroom. Letting out an un-flattering yelp that could have woken the dead (if they weren't so pleased with their current state), Draco slammed the door. He tried rubbing off the glob that had taken up residence on his forehead, but only succeeded in spreading it like the Black Plague over Britain.   
  
"Knock first!!" Draco roared through the door.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Malfoy!" came Fenny's squeaky reply. "I was just giving Miss Granger some of her clean clothes!"  
  
Red with embarrassment and fury, Draco shouted, "Well, congrads; you got the wrong room."   
  
There was a slight pause, during which Draco grew extremely nervous. "Right?" he called, losing some of his confidence. He looked around the bathroom. ''Uh-oh...'' Guys don't have makeup littering the sink. Or 'sweet' smelling things that secretly made guys gag. Or... (gasp) pads... Something was terribly wrong.   
  
Draco heard a feminine voice clear their throat. "Can I help you?" the voice asked.  
  
Biting his lower lip, Draco opened the door. There was Hermione, damn her, with a slight smirk on her face. Draco could see from over her shoulder that it was definitely not his room. Guys don't have romance novels or teddy bears, and Draco would never have half-finished homework assignments this early in summer vacation. She frowned. "What's that on your face?" she asked, trying to touch his forehead.  
  
"N-nothing..," he stammered, backing away.  
  
Hermione gave him a motherly smile. "Are you wearing make-up?" she asked. Oh, how he wanted to reach out and deck her... "Because I think 'Ivory' is too dark. How about... 'Whale Bone'?"  
  
Draco gave her a glare that would have sent a blood-thirsty vampire about his business. Since he had nothing nice to say (and he couldn't think of a comeback), he said nothing.  
  
"See," she said, her voice taking on the edge of a cosmetic consultant, "you need to rub in the foundation so it doesn't look uneven." She reached out her hand to rub in the foundation, when...  
  
"Hey!" she yelped. "You bit me!!" She cradled the offended hand as Draco ran past her and out into the hallway.  
  
Leading a vicious counter-attack, the ninja retreats... for now. Draco narrated to himself. He would get Granger back... oh that he would.  
  
***  
  
Hermione carefully washed her hand to avoid any and all infection the bite might have. Why in the name of learning would he be wearing makeup? And what was he doing in her bathroom? Was he wearing makeup because he felt the need to impress her? Did he "accidentally" go into her bedroom because he secretly loved her, and wanted to get closer? Thus, his unconsciousness led him into her room instead of his? Hermione felt her heard skip a beat. She felt her heart jump to her throat, and couldn't get it back down. For once in her life, a boy might like her for being… her.  
  
***  
  
Draco snarled and paced around the room, cradling his injured ego. Bitch. Slut. Whore. How dare she make a fool of Draco Lerato Malfoy!? He'd kill her if he had the chance, he really would. One swift cut and all the insides would be out… or he could always force her to do it. Use the Imperious Curse… Make her commit seppuku…   
  
Tearing his mind from the terribly attractive visions, he thought of a way to turn the situation to his advantage. Summoning all the genius he knew he had, he dropped himself to the bed and stared at a poster of Romeo and Juliet the caretaker from the year before had left behind. His former caretaker was a mudblood, which is why he was the servant, and fascinated by early Muggle works. He poked around his room, shuffling things around, desperately looking for something, anything, that would lead him to the brilliant plan he knew his mind contained. A book fell to the ground with a loud thud. Draco turned around and looked down. The Bible. Draco glanced at the open page. One word stood brilliantly against the white background: 'Iscariot.'   
  
Draco grinned, and looked back at Romeo's loving face. "Checkmate," he whispered.   
  
***  
  
A/N: Ya know, after I finished this portion I poked around ff.net, looking at all the reviews I have, others got, and I flamed a couple of stinkers. I got so depressed… there's a fic called "Quarantine", maybe some of you have read it, that made me want to write. Personally, (and don't get me wrong; I love "Quarantine,") I liked my fic better. It has everything I like in it. Humour, romance, insults, ninja references… But I only have 100 odd reviews, whilst this fic had 900-something. It makes me sad. Hey, I could go on, so visit me Online Author Blog (http://www.livejournal.com/users/serpentothelves/) for Harry Potter discussion with me or other reviewers. Get sneak peaks of me stories and such!   
  
Don't forget to review on your way out! 


	13. Happiness is an Illusion

A/N: … A year has gone by, and it's time to let the skeletons out of the closet, give them a through scrubbing, and shove them back in there for half a year. Sorry I haven't updated in Gott knows how long, but things happened. I had my heart beaten with a pointy stick, and things like that. Well if it helped me with one thing, it's writing! Huzzah! Enjoy the _much_ needed update! (as in… a year. Go me!)

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, and am ecstatically proud to not own the Harry Potter movies! 

Hermione awoke to a knock on her door. Perhaps it was Draco coming to confirm his love for her! Her heart started beating a thousand miles a minute, but she quickly told it to shut up. She has to stop getting her hopes up. She cleared her throat and called for them to come in.

Draco walked nervously through the door. He had his hand behind his back. "Hermione," he started lamely, and trailed off. Hermione felt her throat constrict. She cleared it. "I sort of think we need to talk." Purkoy the kitten jumped down from where he was napping and pattered down to his window seat.

She sat up in bed, trying to shut up her heart. She discreetly wiped her sweaty hands on her bed and nodded uselessly while Draco sat down near her feet. "Hermione, I just wanted to tell you that…" Draco faltered again. From out of the corner of her eye, Hermione could see Purkoy batting lazily at a moth just outside his reach. Hermione's heart stopped and she felt her face turn hot as she studied the moth that Purkoy shared the same fascination with. The moth sailed sleepily out the window that was opened to catch the cool summer's breeze. Draco chuckled and smoothed his beaver-like head. "This is getting ridiculous. I'm not usually so…" He looked at the ceiling. "Hermione, I l--" His words were cut short by a terrible shrieking noise coming from the window. Hermione's neck turned so fast she thought she heard it crack and Draco leapt up from the bed and stuck his torso out the window. Hermione felt a dreadful dropping in the bottom of her stomach. "Where's Purkoy…?" she trembled.

Draco drew the curtains and raced to Hermione's side. He grasped her shoulders and stared at her frightful eyes. "Don't look out the window," he stated firmly. Hermione felt something terrible rising in her throat.

"Where's Purkoy?" she shouted, her voice fragile and trembling. Draco did not answer her, but raced out into the hallway and down the stairs, leaving Hermione alone.

She lifted her eyes up to the curtain. She knew why Draco had told her not to look outside. Drawing her sheet around her, Hermione sat quietly on her bed and shivered until she could bear it no longer. She raced over to the window and wrenched the curtains apart. Draco threw a handkerchief on the ground and stood back, rubbing his face with his hands. A little fuzzy black and white tail was just visible from under the cloth. Hermione felt her whole body convulse and she threw herself on her bed, sobbing freely.

A few minutes later she heard a knock on the door. "Go away!" she screamed. The knock increased in volume. She threw a nearby boot at the door for emphasis and buried her face in her pillow. How could this happen? Her little companion, her only friend that she loved unconditionally had died, and all because of her. But then Draco was the one who barged into her room…

The door opened and she felt a figure sit lightly on her bed. How dare he come in without her permission! Hermione pushed herself up and prepared to shriek at him to get out.

"My word, such a large mouth on such a small girl!"

Hermione turned around to face Narcissia, who was tapping her foot and frowning slightly.

"Oh… Misses Malfoy..," Hermione stammered, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I though you were…"

"There's no need for excuses, my dear," Narcissia said primly, and stood up. "I expect you to get up and pull yourself together immediately. This very night is the Witches' and Wizards' Gentlemen's and Ladies' Club Ball, and I need to instruct you on how to act and speak, topics of conversation that are appropriate, how to walk in your dress and how to apply your make up, things of the like. Oh I wish I had begun to instruct you sooner, but I was so busy with the necessary arrangements," she said trailing off, while picking through Hermione's pile of homework and skimming it dully.

Hermione could hardly believe her ears. She had forgotten all about the stupid party. And to come in and start lecturing her when she was in this her hour of misery… She could hardly stand it. Floundering, Hermione tried to steady her voice and stammer a response.

"I am sorry about the death of your cat," Narcissia interrupted, "but the best thing to do is to take your mind off of it. Come, get up. I shall help you put on your dress and we shall go down to the dining room. I will show you the proper way to eat.

Hermione stared at her dumbly. How could she be so uncaring? She knew if she was at home, her mother would take her in her arms and they would have a good cry while her father buried the poor thing. And to speak of Hermione this way, like she didn't know how to act! "I do believe I know how to act, Misses Malfoy," Hermione said, trying to match her tone and word choice.

Narcissia put down Hermione's homework carelessly on her table. "You have never been to a formal event!"

Hermione shook her head. "Not at all true! When my father and mother held a dentists' convention—"

She was interrupted with a laugh from Narcissia. "Oh my dear, not a muggle party! You shall find that purebloods have a much higher class of manners than muggles, or even mudloods! I only hope I can train you in time. I should very much hate to be embarrassed in front of my peers." She placed Hermione's quills back in their respective fountains and turned to face Hermione smartly. "Come now! Out of bed!"

Hermione stared at her. She could find nothing to do but obey this tactless command. She slowly put her feet on the cold wooden planks, feeling as if she was in a dream.

Narcissia gave her one last piercing look, and swept out of the room, quietly closing the door.

Hermione stood on her feet, breathing deeply. It felt as though someone was slowly squeezing her head, waiting for it to pop like a ripe melon, blood and brains thrown about the room, spattering the curtains and the walls… No. She mustn't think like this. Besides, her mother and father were fanatically clean, and they wouldn't want to have kept her cat. Closing her eyes and ignoring the pinpricks of tears behind her eyelids, she took all the air she could handle, and tried to begin a new day. Oh, why did Purkoy have to die today of all days?

Hermione walked lightly down the stairs, doing her best to remain calm. She felt empty and sick inside. She had never seen anything die before. Even her grandparents were in very good health, and she could tell that it was not going to be easy to deal with.

Narcissia was already standing next to the dining table, which was laden with food that one would not normally see during breakfast, nor any other average dinner. Fantastically coloured birds with their feathers still part of them, with sweeping irridecent wings and long graceful swan-like necks, pearly whole fish with long curling whiskers and pointed fins, large beasts of which Hermione had ever read about in her Ancient Ruins class... This was truely a table unlike any other she had seen before.

Noting her obvious wonder, Narcissia raised a gloved hand to Hermione. "Close your mouth," she admonished. "It is somewhat uncouth for your tounge to be hanging out all the time." Hermione quickly snapped her mouth shut and scowled, causing Narcissia to add, "And don't frown. It causes wrinkles, and even for one at your age that is a decent concern."

"Now," she continued, taking Hermione's arm and leading her to a separate room "we have a great deal to learn and a very short time to do it in, so I expect you to cooperate and do the best you can." She said the last phrase with a certian amount of distain.

"Oh, Misses Malfoy," Hermione said with some degree of pride, "I am a very quick learner."

"Don't be cheap, dear," Narcissia said critically, "We are learning about how to act in the presence of the greatest and most important wizards and witches, not about the Great Hare Run of 1536." She lightly pushed Hermione behind a screen depicting two silver snakes wrapping themselves around a lion and slowly devouring it from one end to the other. Handing Hermione a few handfuls of white cloth, along with a rectangle of fabric that had been stiffened so much that it could stand up by itself, and almost two yards of string. "Corset," she answered Hermione's questioning looks. "And be smartish about it. We have much to do. Fenny will help you should the need arise." At this the small creature appeared from behind Narcissia's great skirts. Narcissia left the small, room, closing the door behind her.

Hermione smiled kindly, and began to attempt to sort out the great deal of clothes she had been handed. There was a small white cloth package, a simple white dress with lace at the sleeves and at the hem, and the hardened rectangular fabric. "Let's examine the package, shall we?" Hermione said to Fenny, placing the rest of the clothes on a small chair. "_Patesco_," was all the cloth had printed on it. "What would that mean then?" she asked Fenny, showing her the word printed on the fabric."

Fenny looked at the package politely. "It be a spell, missus. You are needin to tap it with your wand and say that word," she muttered, embarassed to be addressed but happy to help.

"Oh," said Hermione, wondering why she had not heard of it before. She took her wand from her inside pocket, where she always kept it, and muttered the incantation, tapping it as Fenny had instructed.

The package exploded in white fabric, causing Hermione to shriek and drop it. Even Fenny took a step back.

After the inital shock, Hermione looked at what was before her and laughed. "It's a hoop skirt!" Hermione laughed, taking her hand from her chest.

"Aye, that it may be, Miss," Fenny said carefully, "but us in the wizarding world like to call it a poofums."

Hermione laughed again, partly from relief. "Poofums?"

Fenny nodded seriously. "Yes, miss, poofums," she said carefully, nervous to be laughed at. "They're very popular with the wizarding ladies. They do not always like to duck away from parties to recast their charms that keep their skirts big."

Hermione smiled and looked at the poofums, which was standing erect. She obviously had much to learn about this world of hers, and she knew that she could not learn it in school.

* * *

Draco punched his wall, only succeeding in hurting his hand. What was he thinking? He hated that mudblood. Hated her. Almost as much as he hated himself. 

But he couldn't understand why he came into her room with his wand behind his back. Did he hate her so much as to curse her? To cause her unimaginable pain for the rest of her life?

And now what was he to do with the cat dead? Should he continue with his plan, or was that death punishment enough?

No, he thought. It was not enough. She must know that he caused it. She must know his displeasure and feel it. How dare she beat him at everything. How dare she not respond to his clever comebacks.

And how dare she still treat him as such. Like someone who was just misunderstood. She was wrong. He was a Malfoy, those of bad faith. He was to be feared and respected, not crushed on.

He could tell what was going on in her mind. She was obsessed with him, and he hated it.

He had to talk to her. Now. Had to end this. Forget the plan. Subtly would not work on this one. He had tried subtle conversation before, and it had come to nothing. He attempted friendship, but it only ended up in furthering this ever growing obsession.

It would never happen, and for her mental health and his happiness and reputation, it needed to stop.

* * *

Draco walked down the main stairway, composed. He walked to the dining room where he knew his mother would be tutoring her on the thousandsof usesfor spoons. 

And lo, there she was. Sitting upright facing away from him trying to reach a dish of after dinner sweetmeats, which was proving to be quite a task, due to her being tied down to the chair. Narcissia was no where in sight.

He thought of how easy it would be. No one was around, and this was the Malfoy Mannor. Spell-proof through and through. He began to breath heavily, and instintivly reach inside his pocket where his wand was traditionally kept, but in his foresight, he had left it in his room. Still panting and struggling against himself, he took a step backwards to run back into his room and get his want.

Too late. Hermione turned her head halfway. "Good God," she laughed. "What are you doing back there, Draco? It sounds like you're rather... involved."

Draco dropped his emotions from him and put up his mask. "Yes, that's right," he said tragically. "I saw you and I just started jerking off."

Hermione faltered for a moment, then laughed loudly. Draco inwardly shook his head. She really was obsessed with him. He could say anything he wanted and she would accept it. He knew she would never let anyone else speak to her like that.

He walked around to the opposite end of the table, and sat. He leaned over the table and took the tray of sweatmeats smugly, and sat back down. "Hey, look!" he teased. "This one's shaped like a ninj... an apple!" He popped one in his mouth, but spit it out into the nearest wine goblet.

Hermione giggled at his disgust. "They're just enchanted water. Everything is. I'm just practicing, you know."

Draco primly patted his mouth with a napkin. "Yeah, I guess so," he said as she continued to giggle.

"Listen, Hermione, we need to talk. I tried to this morning, but--" his eyes resumed their old mannerisms and slipped down to her chest, which he noticed with predominantly displayed. "What the hell are you wearing, Granger?" he yelped, trying, and failing, to keep his voice steady.

Hermione flushed and looked down. "It's... a corset... This is actually what I'm going to wear under my gown tomorrow night." _Damnit, they're not supposed to stick out that much... Get down, you two!_ "Your mother made me wear it!" she resumed defensively. "She's in the next room finishing the trim on my gown."

Draco closed his eyes for a moment, and massaged his temples. Okay, this was going to be really hard... erm... _difficult_, for him to dowhen she was wearing that. "Okay, well anyway,"

"Draco, what are you doing here? Did I not tell you to go get Roosta to fetch the wine?" his mother said, sweeping in the room carrying a long piece of black fabric.

"No, you did not," Draco said crossly, mad at being interrupted, "but I shall do what you ask of me." He stood and bowed slightly, walking away.

Draco walked off into the far meadows of his family's property, finding his favorite hiding place from when he was a child. It was a bush that grew like a fountain, and if he went in past the outer layer of branches, there was a round tunnel for him to play in. He went here whenever he wanted to be alone, away from his nanny's constant chattering.

He lied back, stairing at the green canopy and breathing the fragrent smells. He remembered the tour of the grounds when he showed Hermione this place. He had never shown anyone it before, and he felt almost self concious about it.

The wind was blowing and she had been shivering lightly. He remembered going over to her. "Here," he said, pausing in his story, "you're cold." He held her then. He held her and kept talking about his family, about his crazy aunt that everyone pretended didn't exist, about his childhood...

From there, he led her to a hill where they could see for miles. He stood close to her and pointed down to the town, telling her of important buildings. She said nothing, but smiled and listened, and that made him happy.

As they were walking back, she spotted a little bird that stood right on the path in front of them. He smiled when she asked what kind of bird the little fellow was, and he had told her.

A perfect moment in time.

But no more.

Not ever again.

It was all over.

He lay there dreaming until he heard rustling. Draco lept out of his bush, and ran to the path. Just as he thought, Roosta was standing there, looking for him. "There you are, Young Master!" Roosta chirped, relieved but still anxious. "The guests are ariving!"

Draco looked up toward the mannor house. "Then I'll go get dressed and greet them." He started to run, but turned to face Roosta. "Did you get the wine?"

Roosta smileda wicked smile."Of course, Young Master. I hope you are not angry that I did not wait for Master's command..."

He laughed. "Not at all, Roosta." He turned to leave, but a thought stopped him. "My father," he began uneasily.

"He is here, young Master Malfoy. Therefore go fast," Roosta said gravely, and Draco began to run toward his house, ignoring the clouds gathering overhead.

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A/N: Wow, I rock. I know what's going to happen... But I'm feeling pretty lazy, so I'll continue later.

THE REVIVAL OF THIS FIC HAS BEGUN! It's nearing the end as well, ladies and gents... So be ready...


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